...In which our heroine thinks Bob should have just stayed silent.

Writing films is hard. Assembling a cast, crew, and budget is harder. The actual production? Hell. Oh and then getting people to pay money to see them? Forget it. It's a hard truth for most people who want to make films, something I've learned about from going to film school, and this bit of cynicism comes from someone who has only ever worked on student productions. It isn't an easy business, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool.

I think that's why I'm so bothered by Kevin Smith's comments and spectacular flame out regarding his new independent horror film about fundamentalist Christians playing at Sundance, Red State. The AV Club has a nice recap of what happened, which was essentially a showing of the film to distributors. In the independent world, getting a film to show to distributors to Sundance is a minor miracle - there are 12,000 other submitted films that would have killed to have Smith's two hour chunk of showing and auction.

So Smith showed the film, and then made a mockery of the auction, "by purchasing his own film for $20 with the intent to market and distribute it himself. 'Ladies and gentlemen, I came here 17 years ago [with Clerks],” he said. “All I wanted to do was sell my movie. And I can't think of anything fucking worse, 17 years later, than selling my movie to people who just don't fucking get it'” He then announced plans to do a multi-city tour, involving showings of the film and a "new business model" that includes overpriced tickets and a Q&A with Smith and actors from the film.

Kevin Smith, you're a fucking idiot. The independent business has been moving towards individual distribution, a practice correctly identified by Drew McWeeny as fourwalling, which McWeeny explains as "essentially means paying for a theater rental, then screening the film and keeping whatever admission you charge for yourself." ANY intro to film business class could tell you this is the way to go for 21st century independent distribution. I've gone to two guest lecturers two guest lectures, Robert Kirkman of KNBFX fame, and Kelley Baker, formerly Gus Van Sant's sound designer, and they explained the process in detail. We also talked about it in Script Analysis, Adaptation, Production II, and Screen Treatment & Presentation at length. Maybe you would have known that your "brand new business" model of road shows wasn't brand new if you wouldn't have dropped out of film school.

And the sad thing is, I like Kevin Smith's films for the most part. He's made two great films - Clerks and Chasing Amy - and others to varying mediocrity (Zack and Miri) to drivel (Jersey Girl.) His Q&As about film are great, and entertaining. But at some point, the tweets about Southwest and the ways in which he fucks his wife, and wasting distributors time and effort overshadow the art. It's kind of the reason I can't enjoy Kanye West's music - his public persona simply taints everything else.

The thing that REALLY made me mad was this string of comments by Smith, or at least according to Vulture: "I'm a fat, masturbating stoner. That's why I got into the movie business. I thought that was where fat, masturbating stoners went. And if somebody had told me at the beginning of my career, you're going to have to learn so much about business, finance, amortization, all that shit, monetization, I would have been like, 'Fuck it. I'm just going to stay home and masturbate. That's too much work, man."

You sir, are a dumbass. Anyone who thinks making movies and getting them seen is easy is an uneducated fool. But you know, maybe finishing film school would have alerted Smith that it's not all hockey matches and musical numbers with your pals. Effort is required. I feel insulted that Smith would marginalize filmmakers are "fat, masturbating stoners," because while some of them certainly are, his fat, masturbating, stoned ass took away a spot from someone truly passionate and driven at Sundance. Someone who could have been given a first chance, like Clerks was given a first chance by the Weinsteins. But no, he had to make a spectacle out of a probably shitty movie and deprive them of that chance, just so he could continue to be press fodder.

It's a good thing Hit Somebody is allegedly his last film, because anyone who has become that weary of the business to diminish the effort it takes to make films and kept new filmmakers from achieving their shot doesn't deserve a goddamn dollar from movie-goers anymore. And it's a shame, because Kevin Smith is a good, sometimes great writer, though not a good director. He's certainly soured me for life on him. What a waste, Silent Bob.

Don't just take my word for it, dude has progressed from sometimes dick to lifetime asshole...

• AV Club's take on the situation
• Drew McWeeny's review
• Kevin Smith Implodes - from Deadline Hollywood