...In which our heroine is goin' out west.

Remember me? Yeah, didn't think so. I've been sort of busy writing curriculum for an after-school program in the former Cabrini Green neighborhood, getting promoted, being a semi-finalist for the Michael Collyer Fellowship, submitting work to the Sundance Screenwriters Lab, writing a big girl blog, trying to graduate college, and most wonderfully, falling in love with one of the best fellas I've ever met.

This blog began to chronicle my time in Chicago. Well, it seems now, Katydid is headed west: I've been accepted to Columbia's Semester in LA program, which begins in February, with my Jack and my favorite screenwriting pals.

I am thrilled, relieved, ecstatic, excited, nervous, and proud. The classes take place at Raleigh Studios on Melrose Avenue - which is across the goddamn street from Paramount - and I'm not at all ashamed to say I can't wait to see some famous folks. And my birthday is Monday - I can't think of a better gift.

Maybe I'll revive this as a chronicle of my travels West - I'd sort of like to drive out on Route 66 because when the hell else am I ever going to do that? We shall see.

A new adventure, which feels like the right, most logical next step in my life begins in three months. I cannot fucking wait.

...In which our heroine gets weird.

I had an existential crisis on Friday. Nothing in particular prompted it, just an amalgamation of factors that I think are pointing to an increase in my consciousness of my surroundings and the flaws within them. I spent the day having an interior freak out about technology and the successes and failures it has as a means of connection. Over spring break, I asked my grandmother if she knew what Facebook was. She did, and it rightly weirded her out. All of our technological tethers are empowering and harming us. Our greater connectivity means we live lives outside of face-to-face connection. It's a great thing: writing in a medium such as this allows me to provide updates and stay in touch with people I may not be able to otherwise, or at least with a lesser effort.

But it wasn't just the technology freak out. Certain recent experiences have made me question things I've always assumed to be true. Why do I assume that? If a subject interests me, I go fully into exploring it, and with topics I've been exploring recently like the Masons and JFK's assassination and Terence McKenna's Time Wave Zero Theory, it seems that there's a lot the masses either don't know or don't care to know. Have I lost you with the crazy yet? Part of why this new awareness is wearing on me is because I don't know if I'm just some sort of weird crackpot who reads too much Wikipedia, or this is normal behavior for a 21 year-old. I've found that certain belief and moral systems have worn out for me, so I'm looking elsewhere for things I perceive as true, or at least things I can buy into more.

Am I just a typical college student rabble rouser rallying against a rich white patriarchal view and operating system of the world, or am I on to something that changes my belief system from this point forward? I think it's just my time to evolve my thinking from where its rested these past twenty or so years. With yoga and other enterprises, my third eye has been woken up and squeegeed off. After a brief break, my dreams are back to their super vivid selves. This has meant a few nightmares, yeah, but when they aren't scary, they're incredible. Lucid dreaming is coming as second-nature now, and I find it easy to get to that deep subconscious interior.


I think my question is this, and I'm asking it here because if I ask my parents, they'll worry I've lost some marbles here in Chicago. Do others realize that the government and social structures of at the very least America are screwing them over every single day of their lives, and therefore choose to ignore it OR do you tuck that knowledge into some corner in the back of their minds and deal with it the best they can. We're giving animals cancer from all the shit we dump in the ocean. Julian Assange blew open a lot of people's thoughts with Wikileaks. UFOs probably exist. There are significant flaws in issues around 9/11 and JFK's assassination. Peak oil might cause the downfall of industrialized society. Shadowy corporations might be secretly ruling us all. Of course all these things are arguable and speculative, but I think only a fool would assume that we, the docile masses, medicated with television and Big Gulps, know everything that happens. Do you know this, and then if you know it, do you care, or do day to day things like paying the mortgage and soccer practice force you to ignore it in lieu of such pressing priorities? Do we ignore until it becomes a reality?

The thing I'm taking comfort in on whatever trip this is that I'm currently riding along on is that this is normal. First we try to change the world, then ourselves. I guess I'm on that changing the world stage, but I don't really see myself as being able to change anything - I just wish more people thought to ask "why?" then submit willingly. At least knowing that things are fucked up allows you some room to asses what is truly important to you and make decisions accordingly as opposed to just going along with things just as they are.

I've been particularly interested in Terence McKenna's theories of novelty and singularity, that so much is happening in our world simultaneously we've reached a point where something has to change. I don't necessarily think we're headed towards an end, or if that end would even be in 2012, but I think changes are afoot because of the technologically advanced society we're living in, one whose marvels increase exponentially on a consistent basis. I certainly couldn't have thought about a computer in your pocket ten years ago. Perhaps everyone in their twenties thinks the world is ending or changing, and this is just my time with it, but I have a feeling in my gut it isn't just me.I'm excited to see if the crackpots, including myself, are right, or we're all laughing with our Y2K party hats on December 21st, 2012.

Have I lost you on the crazy yet? Maybe this ramble will be evidence of my downfall at some later date. BUT...despite all of this gloom and doom discourse, I've also realized everything is connected. All we can really do is try to matter to a handful of people that love us back.That's it. We're all just specks in the universe, and if we're lucky, someone will think of us fondly from time to time. The world went on before us, and it'll go on after us too. Our energy is never destroyed, it just transfers forms. I've always had a sense of premonition, knowing how things will be before they actually happen, so maybe that's just the karma of my past lives working itself. Maybe my recognition of such things is that karma coming into fruition, and I'm the collection of experiences of others whose karma was good enough that in this life, I get to understand it. Don't buy the reincarnation juju? This changed my mind. Thanks, Ian Stevenson.

We probably aren't meant to know about such machinations of life, but goddamnit, it's fun to think about. At least while I have the free time to ponder such questions of existence. 

Blame Bill Hicks, too. Now I'm listening to Tool a lot more because they were friends with Hicks. Who would have thought a dead stand-up comic would alter my worldview for this period of my life, but things happen when they're meant to. This snippet is my current mantra on existence.



Katydid in the City: Bringing the existentialism and paranoia back to your Monday.

...In which our heroine takes a stand.

Friends, I'm really worried. The rash of recent anti-choice laws, including South Dakota's bill to make killing abortion providers a justifiable homicide, Georgia's bill to make miscarriage criminal, and Ohio's bill to make abortion illegal within the first heartbeat of a fetus, as well as Congress' proposed cuts to Planned Parenthood are making me nervous to be a woman of child-bearing age in America.

For most of our beliefs, it's difficult to trace a specific source from which they came. But when it comes to reproductive choice about my own body, the decision was made for me at an early age. I don't remember how old I was when I watched HBO's exploration of abortion, If These Walls Could Talk, but I can tell you I remember the feeling I had after watching this scene in my grandma's basement:


The failed back-alley abortion Demi Moore gets is horrifying to me as a 21-year old, so as a child, it was nightmare inducing for weeks. Watching her struggle to call for help in that pool of blood decided my views on abortion for the rest of my life. There was no morality left in the issue: no woman should ever have to die that way, alone, and scared, simply because she did not want to have a child.

I'll never argue that abortion isn't ending a life, because it is. Abortion stops a life before it begins. But for me, bringing a truly unwanted child into the world is a sin far graver than not giving it that chance. Over Christmas break, my mother and I were watching Teen Mom, and she asked me what I would do. My answer was so honest, I left her speechless. If I found out I was pregnant tomorrow, I would get an abortion because at this stage in my life, I do not have the capacity to care for another life. She asked how I could live with such a decision - wouldn't it haunt me for the rest of my life - and I have no doubt that it would, but still, on a personal level, I have no business having a child right now, so why would I should subject it to a life that it doesn't deserve? Sure, there's adoption but in an overpopulated world, we don't need more unwanted children.

And to the same extent, I totally understand the moral objections to abortion. While I certainly wouldn't call it murder, it isn't as casual as some make it. Prevention is key. With that being said, there can be no legal objection to abortion. Make it illegal, and we go back to a state where women will go to any means necessary to obtain them anyway. Hell, you can walk into any natural foods store and buy a variety of herbs that might cause miscarriage...or dire hemorrhage. Ending the legality of abortion will lead to the deaths of many, many more women than need be.

This isn't even an abortion only issue: 97% of Planned Parenthood's services are non-abortion related, for preventive care for things like birth control and cancer screening, and for 60% of their patients, it's the only medical care they get all year. I have plenty of friends who rely on PP for the pill so they don't need to rely on them for an abortion. Cutting funding means fewer women who can prevent pregnancies, HIV, and cancer, which ultimately means more deaths for women in America.

I am thankful everyday for a world in which pills in varying shades of blue give me the extra reassurance that having sex doesn't have to mean a baby I don't want. And you know what, there have certainly been times that for whatever reason, I have no doubt my access to birth control prevented a pregnancy.  One of the organizers of Columbia's student feminist group, FEMMES, had a shirt that said "I FUCK TO COME, NOT TO CONCEIVE." While (hopefully) most men would be at least concerned that their orgasm could result in unwanted pregnancy, women should be afforded the same luxury that their sexual pleasure shouldn't come at the risk and cost of a child they do not want.

Even if you're against abortion, I would hope you at least would want women to have access to birth control. The last time I went to buy condoms, they were in a locked case. Don't tell me that doesn't deter people from being shamed into not buying them. I highly doubt that any women, once in a cold room, with feet in stirrups, thinks "gee, I'm SO glad I get to be having this abortion when I could be do just about anything else." It's undoubtedly an unpleasant part of life, but if we can prevent abortions with contraception - the very thing Planned Parenthood is trying to do -  we prevent the loss of more life.

It's my body, and my choice whether I want a child or not. I'm scared at what a world where this choice is taken away from me may look like. I'm scared for my fellow women, women who aren't lucky enough like me to have a regular gynecologist and an $8 birth control prescription. A woman shouldn't have to sacrifice sex, the most natural act on earth besides being born and dying, because she's so terrified of what the outcome might be.

So if you like me, or any ladies in your life, which I'm sure you do, please take a minute and sign the petition to make Congress reconsider cutting their federal tax dollars for a preventive care organization. 

I thank you, and my sisters, mothers, friends, nieces, and aunts thank you.

These are scary, scary times folks, and I certainly don't think we should bring more innocent lives into them without them being truly wanted. As my father says, "every child should be a wanted child."

...In which our heroine brings the fun.

Ladies and gentlemen, today I present the late, great Bill Hicks. I like his comedy so much because he certainly adheres to certain moral and social ideas that I support, but also has a real care for humanity. Yeah, he's cynical and jaded, but something about his comedy shows a hope for the ability of humans to make peace. Obviously, these are all vulgar.

Legal drugs vs. illegal drugs


The meaning of life


"I laid in a field of green grass and said, my god, I love everything." This one might be my favorite.


UFOs in Alabama


Christians vs. Dinosaurs


The world of marketing


New Kids on the Block vs. dead rock stars


The total plausibility of the JFK assassination


Gays in the military


"Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather..."


A little levity for your Saturday.

...In which our heroine is stacked.

Partially inspired by ChemGuy's shelf porn post via CBR...and the fact that I'm currently in a notoriously snowy city who just experienced its second or third largest snowfall ever. I believe this is what they call cabin fever:

The mantle in our living room. We've got some McDonald's toys, some VHS treasures liberated from the laundry room trash can, a couple birthday gifts, and a duo of Ginger Spice Barbies. Most of this stuff is mine, the most recent finds being the California Raisin dude and the New Kids on the Block mug.

My admittedly larger portion of the DVD shelves. Of course they're alphabetized. To the far right on the top shelf is the small collection of Blu-ray discs I've gotten since May. On the second shelf, far left, there's the even smaller Criterion Collection discs (in spine order, duh) then the Kubrick and Alien box sets, then television series, then the oversized Lord of the Rings and The Wizard of Oz box sets.

I needed an overflow bookshelf, so this is the latest addition from IKEA. Mostly this is for oversized books and to-be-reads. The seashells are from my late great-grandmother's windowsill, the Wicked Witch from my other grandmother. The wooden box is where I keep, you know, stuff.

Ah, the top of the regular bookshelf is me at my kitschiest. The postcards are mostly from the wonderful Cassandra, as is Boris, the largest of the anteaters (Connie, the smaller is a recent find), and the decorated cigar box. Some family photos, the coolest Barbie EVER, and some assorted stuffed animals complete the shelf.

Unlike my DVDs, I arrange books by author. Lots of King, Palahniuk, and Klosterman on these top two shelves. The buddhas are from Hawaii, New York, and everywhere in-between. The ladybugs, which are too cool to use as they're meant to be as salt and pepper shakers, are from my grandmother. The Clarice mug is from our Christmas collection, and the Joker/Harvey Dent Pez dispensers are from Bob Evans. I honestly don't know where Mr. Turtle came from...

Big books down here. The Sandman collection, the hardcover King titles, the film books. The hunk o' quartz is from a friend of my momma, and the monkey cup keeps quarters for laundry.

Terribly thrilling, I know. I went outside yesterday and while main roads are cleared, side streets and sidewalks are certainly not. Tuesday night sounded like hellfire and damnation was bearing down on the city.  It really was kind of pretty - for a while at least - especially the drifts in our alley. And now it's grey and disgusting. I think I might be over Chicago winters for a while.

I've watched Jackie Brown (re-watch) and Miller's Crossing in my boredom. Neither of them are my favorite from Mr. Taratino or Mr.'s Coen, but still interesting. This is pretty fantastic, though.

Tarantino vs Coen Brothers from Leandro Copperfield on Vimeo.

As is this, which makes feel compelled to watch Barry Lyndon and Shutter Island, both in the Netflix queue.

Kubrick vs Scorsese from Leandro Copperfield on Vimeo.

Please don't make me choose between those five geniuses, either.

...In which our heroine thanks the Academy, mostly.

Two posts in two days? Insanity. It's almost like I'm back to this whole blogging thing...

Briefly, thoughts on Oscar nominations:

• Christopher Nolan got the shaft for Best Director
• Glad to see that The Social Network didn't get the most nods (8) to The King's Speech (12)
• I always love the supporting categories for surprises: Jacki Weaver for Animal Kingdom and John Hawkes for his absolutely stellar turn in Winter's Bone.
• Really glad to see that film get four nods - I think it's the most wholly American picture of the year.
• Uh, did I miss the part where people actually liked 127 Hours? Six nominations, and all I've heard is middling reviews from friends. James Franco has become a total tool in the press, and I avoided the film not for the arm cutting off, but for the claustrophobia. Can't do it.
• Even stoned, Alice in Wonderland is one of the worst movies I've ever seen, and that was only the first 45 minutes before I turned it off. I guess it deserves the three nods if you like abnormal candy colored vomit.
• Bitiful hasn't done too well critically, so Bardem's nod and Foreign Language film seem odd.
• Gotta see Foreign nominee Dogtooth because apparently it's bat shit crazy.
• Not surprised, but disappointed by only Michelle Williams' nod for Blue Valentine. I think it should have gotten the Best Picture nod over True Grit or 127 Hours, but it's a much more difficult film.
•  Portman, Firth, Bale, and Leo - it's your race to lose.
• AND...best of all, we have THREE female nominees for screenplay: Lisa Cholodenko for The Kids Are All Right, and Debra Granik & Anne Rossellini for Winter's Bone.

I think it could be a surprise year for Best Picture - The Social Network has won most of the critics awards, but The King's Speech leads nominations, and just won the PGA. I'll have a better answer after the SAG, DGA, and WGA. (Black Swan 4EVR!)

In other film related news, Blue Velvet might be coming to Blu ray in America with Lynch's deleted scenes. Will we get to see the four hour cut?! Someone just needs to find all of the deleted stuff from Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me now.

...In which our heroine thinks Bob should have just stayed silent.

Writing films is hard. Assembling a cast, crew, and budget is harder. The actual production? Hell. Oh and then getting people to pay money to see them? Forget it. It's a hard truth for most people who want to make films, something I've learned about from going to film school, and this bit of cynicism comes from someone who has only ever worked on student productions. It isn't an easy business, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool.

I think that's why I'm so bothered by Kevin Smith's comments and spectacular flame out regarding his new independent horror film about fundamentalist Christians playing at Sundance, Red State. The AV Club has a nice recap of what happened, which was essentially a showing of the film to distributors. In the independent world, getting a film to show to distributors to Sundance is a minor miracle - there are 12,000 other submitted films that would have killed to have Smith's two hour chunk of showing and auction.

So Smith showed the film, and then made a mockery of the auction, "by purchasing his own film for $20 with the intent to market and distribute it himself. 'Ladies and gentlemen, I came here 17 years ago [with Clerks],” he said. “All I wanted to do was sell my movie. And I can't think of anything fucking worse, 17 years later, than selling my movie to people who just don't fucking get it'” He then announced plans to do a multi-city tour, involving showings of the film and a "new business model" that includes overpriced tickets and a Q&A with Smith and actors from the film.

Kevin Smith, you're a fucking idiot. The independent business has been moving towards individual distribution, a practice correctly identified by Drew McWeeny as fourwalling, which McWeeny explains as "essentially means paying for a theater rental, then screening the film and keeping whatever admission you charge for yourself." ANY intro to film business class could tell you this is the way to go for 21st century independent distribution. I've gone to two guest lecturers two guest lectures, Robert Kirkman of KNBFX fame, and Kelley Baker, formerly Gus Van Sant's sound designer, and they explained the process in detail. We also talked about it in Script Analysis, Adaptation, Production II, and Screen Treatment & Presentation at length. Maybe you would have known that your "brand new business" model of road shows wasn't brand new if you wouldn't have dropped out of film school.

And the sad thing is, I like Kevin Smith's films for the most part. He's made two great films - Clerks and Chasing Amy - and others to varying mediocrity (Zack and Miri) to drivel (Jersey Girl.) His Q&As about film are great, and entertaining. But at some point, the tweets about Southwest and the ways in which he fucks his wife, and wasting distributors time and effort overshadow the art. It's kind of the reason I can't enjoy Kanye West's music - his public persona simply taints everything else.

The thing that REALLY made me mad was this string of comments by Smith, or at least according to Vulture: "I'm a fat, masturbating stoner. That's why I got into the movie business. I thought that was where fat, masturbating stoners went. And if somebody had told me at the beginning of my career, you're going to have to learn so much about business, finance, amortization, all that shit, monetization, I would have been like, 'Fuck it. I'm just going to stay home and masturbate. That's too much work, man."

You sir, are a dumbass. Anyone who thinks making movies and getting them seen is easy is an uneducated fool. But you know, maybe finishing film school would have alerted Smith that it's not all hockey matches and musical numbers with your pals. Effort is required. I feel insulted that Smith would marginalize filmmakers are "fat, masturbating stoners," because while some of them certainly are, his fat, masturbating, stoned ass took away a spot from someone truly passionate and driven at Sundance. Someone who could have been given a first chance, like Clerks was given a first chance by the Weinsteins. But no, he had to make a spectacle out of a probably shitty movie and deprive them of that chance, just so he could continue to be press fodder.

It's a good thing Hit Somebody is allegedly his last film, because anyone who has become that weary of the business to diminish the effort it takes to make films and kept new filmmakers from achieving their shot doesn't deserve a goddamn dollar from movie-goers anymore. And it's a shame, because Kevin Smith is a good, sometimes great writer, though not a good director. He's certainly soured me for life on him. What a waste, Silent Bob.

Don't just take my word for it, dude has progressed from sometimes dick to lifetime asshole...

• AV Club's take on the situation
• Drew McWeeny's review
• Kevin Smith Implodes - from Deadline Hollywood