...In which our heroine reviews "Zack and Miri Make a Porno"

Despite yesterday being Halloween, I absolutely had to go see Zack and Miri Make a Porno. From the moment I heard "Seth Rogen in a Kevin Smith movie" I was smitten.

Long story short, I loved the film. I would go as far to say that it's Kevin Smith's most heartfelt film, even moreso than Chasing Amy. It also happens to be his dirtiest film--everyone's used to lots of sex talk in his films, but now we have pretty graphic sex scenes to go with the talk. I'm amazed he appealed it down to an R--I think it probably should have been NC-17.

The trailers for the film make it seem like all humor no heart, which becomes a nice suprise when you see the film and it is just so goddamn cute. Yes, a cute Kevin Smith movie. Like take your girlfriend to go see cute. Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks have amazing on-screen chemistry, just like the old friends they play in the film and their relationship seems totally realistic. And the supporting players--Smith regulars Jason Mewes and Jeff Anderson, along with Craig Robinson from "The Office" and real porn stars Katie Morgan and Traci Lords, provide the usual, fantastic supporting cast you'd see in a Kevin Smith film.

There are definitely a couple of moments that border on pure, conventional cheese, but only a couple. But, there are two scenes in the film that totally elevate it. Spoilers in the black. Zack and Miri finally do make a porno in the film, but as Zack says "they meant to fuck and ended up making love." The sex scene between the two on camera is the most genuinely sweet I've ever seen. It doesn't feel at all as something forced, more like you're intruding on something you shouldn't be watching. The awkward fumbling, the nervousness, the excitement--it feels so real it'll stop you in your tracks. It was also nice to see a legitimately hot sex scene between two actors that aren't drop dead goregous. The other great scene is the day after the sex, when Katie Morgan asks Miri if she can hook up with Zack at a party. Miri reluctantly says yes, and the wordless exchange of looks between Zack and Miri as Zack makes his way to the bedroom without Miri is phenomenal. It didn't hurt that Kevin Smith set the scene to "Hey" by the Pixies.

The film's been getting average reviews, but I think it's much better than that. I really want to see it again, if not only for the ginormous crush I have on Seth Rogen, made all the worse by the character of Zack. Besides Clerks, this is easily my favorite Kevin Smith movie.

Halloween, which ended up on a reality check, was not the best ever. I'll have pictures and stories tomorrow.

...In which our heroine has a malevolent mindset, part two.

I have Halloween on the brain, so today I present horror scenes I enjoy. Well, technically not enjoy, but appreciate. All of these are NSFW.

The Scariest: Audition, 1999
I hate the torture porn of the Saw and Hostel films but this film is the exception. Here, the torture actually serves a narrative purpose and isn't just there to make you vomit. This is a great horror film, and if it was American, it would be considered a classic.


The Grossest: Dead Alive, 1992
As a rule, I don't get grossed out by horror films. The gorier, the better. But this scene has literally made me want to puke every time I've watched it. And it's not even that bloody.


The Prettiest: Suspiria, 1977
This Italian film was the last to use three-strip Technicolor and thus why the colors pop. Thank heaven for Dario Argento, because then there'd be no Asia Argento, who is half goregous, half insane.


The Funniest: Evil Dead 2, 1987
There are no bounds for my love for the Evil Dead trilogy and its star Bruce Campbell. The first time we watched this movie, Kendall fell off the couch and laughed for a solid ten minutes at this scene.


The Most Entertaining (according to Katydid): Near Dark, 1987
No one has ever seen this movie, but I adore it. I remember my mom getting incredibly pissed at my dad for letting me watch it, but I turned out no worse for the wear. So sickly funny and creatively shot.


The Worst but I Still Love it Anywyay: Pet Sematary, 1989
I like a lot of realllllllly shitty horror movies, but this is probably my favorite. The movie is so bad, especially compared to the book, but I just can't help but watch.


I have a sick mind for enjoying all this so much, but I just can't help it.

...In which our heroine marvels.

This is a perfect album, especially for a COLD fall day. It breaks my heart every time I listen to it. The album sounds like it should be sung by convicts around a campfire. Although it makes me sad, Nebraska reminds me of fall and winter mornings when you're chest is on fire but your hands and face feel like they might just break off, and exhaling frosty breath makes you dream of hot chocolate. Born to Run is the quintessential Springsteen album, but this one will always be my favorite.

...In which our heroine thinks about home.

Being at home this weekend was surreal. Everything was so strangely familiar, yet so distant. Sitting on my couch, taking a shower, sleeping in a quiet, DARK, bedroom...it was just weird.

I didn't sleep on the bus Thursday night. On the exit and return trips to Chicago, married creepsters who fidgeted a lot decided I was a good seat partner. Oh, Megabus. Of course I was wired on convenience store coffee by the time I got home, and so when Dad picked me up, we had lots to talk about.

Thus I slept until 2 PM on Friday. Then I headed over to see my grandma and aunt to have dinner. But the real event Friday night was of course, seeing Cassie. She damn near killed me when she hugged me, but that embrace made the married creepsters so worth it. We went to JR's new house in Clifton, got slightly intoxicated, and watched Fantasia--a perfectly us evening. As a college student, I should drink more beer than water but the beer I had Friday night was the first I'd had since school started. It was so, so delicious.

Saturday meant Valley Thrift, Gabriel Brothers, and El Rancho Grande, three fantastically Hagen family activities. I got lots of warm clothes and boots for cheap, which was a good decision considering that winter was totally here when I got off the bus last night. Dad asked me what I needed for my birthday...I said computer speakers since mine broke. The two of us got to spend some alone time together to go get them. I then got to play all the cool stuff I've found while here for Dad--a 15 minute "Cortez the Killer," the Afghan Whigs covering "Can't Get Enough of Your Love."

Overall it really was a splendid weekend. I do miss things about Cincinnati--mostly the people--but not enough to not want to come back here.

I'm not really looking forward to slaving away over sausage gravy at Bobs over Christmas break, but its going to be necessary. Trying to get back together with those people is going to be weirder than weird. But, even weirder is going to be getting back together with the high school chaps and trying to do exactly that, be high school chaps. I just feel so different than I did even two months ago--especially in terms of people who I hang out with. Should be interesting...

In other news, I am in love with this song currently. I seem to know where this video takes place...

...In which our heroine gets in a malevolent mindset.

Halloween has been my favorite holiday since I had a notion of what a "favorite" might be. It was a huge deal when I was little--I loved being scared but always ended up overdoing it and that's probably why I did and still do have night terrors on occasion. Crypt Keeper and Freddy Krueger were the earliest characters to scare the shit out of me, but my favorite movies as a kid were Addams Family Values and Beetlejuice. Forget Christmas, I'm all about the scary stuff.

We're having a party here in 2602 next Friday. I'm on playlist and movie selection duty. The SPB is holding a live showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show Thursday at midnight which is a must-attend.

The love of Halloween over the years has translated into a love of horror films. Yes, I have seen Halloween 1-5 and Return of the Living Dead 3, in addition to many other bad horror films Sci-Fi channel shows. I miss a certain set of twins that I used to watch all manner of crappy frightfests with, especially the zombie ones.

My recomendations for pure scare factor would be Candyman, The Strangers, Halloween, Hellraiser, either Dawn of the Dead and 28 Days/Weeks Later. My favorite genre of horror is what Sam Raimi lovingly titled "splatstick" with choice picks like Evil Dead 2, Army of Darkness, Shaun of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead, Slither, and Dead Alive. As far as obscurity, try Audition, a really freaky Japanese film from about ten years ago, or Near Dark, a kickass vampire Western with Bill Paxton and Adrian Pasdar.

Retrocrush has a couple cool lists up...100 Greatest Horror Film Performances, 20 Best Zombie Films, 100 Coolest Monsters, and 100 Scariest Movie Scenes, which has a horrible choice for #1 2 East 8th doesn't get Bravo so I don't get to watch their list of 100 Scariest Movie Moments for the tenth time.

While I'm home this weekend, I need to pick up some Stephen King book to read, although I don't think much of anything can top last year's choice, Pet Semetary, which still gives me the heebie jeebies thinking about it. (I think it's one of King's best and his scariest.)

I think my building is haunted. The boys on eight have reported shut down computers turning on and playing music, TVs turning on, and blinds magically opening. Chicago itself has a cool haunted history--just look at Candyman, yet another reason I'll never go to Cabrini Green.

Anyways, I digress. But this is the scariest thing I've seen so far all season, a Predator pumpkin:

...In which our heroine is a busy bee.

I have tons to do this week before I can head home on Megabus Thursday night--final papers to work on about Technicolor and The Professional, readings to attend for Creative Non-Fiction Week, Halloween festivities to plan. But in the meantime, lots of randomness.

• Some idiot finally agreed to it. Haunted is being made into a film by some director I've never heard of. I liked the idea of the book being an HBO miniseries, but on the big screen I bet half the content of the book will have to be cut.


• Neil Young has being doing some awesome stuff on his current tour. I can't wait to see him in Chicago...during finals week.


• Showtime ordered Dexter through season five. Dad and I aren't even done with season two yet, but this is good news.


• "Buffalo Stance" by Neneh Cherry is a great homework song. Actually, my entire synth-tastic, 800 song iTunes 80's playlist is.


• Apparently, the ending of Watchmen has been changed. I don't wanna know, but you can.


• Watching the international cut of The Professional greatly improves the film, which is already in my Top 5.


• The Bicycle Thief isn't as good as history would make it out to be, but Citizen Kane totally is.
• It's October and I need a scary book to read. Suggestions, please.


• My friend Samson found out his roommate Wes deals ecstasy out of their room (which is two doors down.) What a lovely buisiness plan. Don't do ecstasy kids--it takes ice cream scoops out of your brain.


• I am totally excited to come home with weekend. Not for the city, but for the company:

...In which our heroine wishes a happy birthday.

I have nothing today except for fangirl worship of Viggo Mortensen. It's his 50th birthday, which now places him in the category of old man crushes along with George Clooney and Daniel-Day Lewis.